Been a while

Hiya my precious little pumpkin. It has been a little while since mommy wrote to you, I have tried so many times but every time find myself so tearful and emotional I just cant seem to write. So lets try again.
The last two and a half months have been emotional, tiring and full of fear. A few weeks back we came so close to losing you and being completely besides ourselves. We have had a few moments where you have had serious apena attacks, but nothing to what it was and what we felt when you were so so sick, when we were convinced it was time to say goodbye.  I think back to that day and my eyes fill with tears and they  just flow. I am so grateful big boy, I am so grateful that you are still with us, that God has given us more time.

The past few months have been really scary, so many beautiful T18 babies have recieved their angel wings and gone home to our Heavenly Father. It scares me tremendously, you are now 17 months and the 18 month mark is coming up, a day, a number,  that stays imprinted in my head, runs circles around my head.

You were in hospital for the last week - AGAIN with Pnuemonia - something we never seem to get a way from, and it happens so quickly. The week before I took you to the doctor and he said your chest was relatively clear, and you were doing well. You had a great week, laughing playing and just being happy old Lior - our precious happy Lior. Thursday you were perfect and then by 4am on Friday morning you were coughing. Daddy and I decided not to wait and take yous straight back to the doctor to catch what ever it was - we never thought it would be hospital - although you were a little mizzy you werent that bad, and then we were told you would be going to hospital again. My heart just sank - how much more is God going to put us through, how much more is my precious baby boy going to be able to take. By the time we left the doctors office and got you to the hospital and had your drip put in - really within a space of 2 hours you digressed so badly. It took empaped, lotum and veleron and two hours of cuddles from mommy to settle you and bring your temperature down. It broke mommies heart that I couldnt make you better.  Although it took three days to break your temperature, you responded to the antibiotics and with some physio your chest cleared nicely, so at least it was - in our terms a "quick" stay at the hospital.

We came home yesterday and well you just werent yourself. You were crying and coughing the whole day :(. Doc says we just need to neb and wait it out - not much else we can do. The nebs are better than cough mixture.

I jsut need to say that my heart swelled with pride in the hospital. You were having a quiet moment and I took the opportunity to keep repeating "mama" to you. You concentrated so hard, looking at mommies lips. I lowered my voice and in a quiet and small voice I kept repeating it, after a little while of you staring at mommy you started making quiet yet small little sounds - as if you were trying to mimic me. I know you most likely wont ever be able to say mama, but my angel all that matters is you tried. In your own little way you tried and THAT is what makes mommy so proud - your determination.

So my angel face, all in all you are doing well, and you always seem to come back stronger.

Remember mommy loves you will all my might, and soul. And just as every single cell in your body has the extra 18th chromosome, every single cell in my body loves you with all intensity.

Love you sweet pea !!