I say this because once again on Friday we were reminded of the value of time, the value of a minute if not seconds and the wonderful miraculous work of our Heavenly Father.
I was at work and daddy was fetching your sisters from school. Daddy phoned me to ask me to phone home and see if everything was okay. He had been trying to phone but couldn’t get through and he knew something wasn’t right. I phoned home and everyone was hysterical. You had a severe and violent seizure and you stopped breathing. Even if oxygen was applied it would not have helped ….. your airways were closed. Your Ouma and Oupa did really well …. they rushed you to your paediatrician, had they taken you to the ER you wouldn’t be here with us today. By the time they got you to the doctor you were completely limp, non responsive and had been without oxygen for 3 -4 minutes.
Somehow adrenaline kicked in, for a few seconds at least and I managed to stay calm but then my heart dropped straight to the floor and I fell to pieces.
I had to get to you ….. as fast as humanly possible. Every thought possible was going through my mind. My worst fears were right in front of my face. The thought of not being able to say goodbye, that I couldn’t hold you and cuddle you and whisper in your ear how much I love you and that as hard as it will be, if it is your time to be embraced by God’s warm and loving arms, we will accept this and one day we will be okay. That I wouldn’t be there when you needed me the most and that you would think that I had abandoned you in your time of need. That mommy wasn’t there to keep you warm and reassure you and comfort you. That I wouldn’t be able to kiss your sweet little lips or smell your hair or feel your little hand grasp my finger or feel you nuzzle into my neck one last time.
Many people cant understand why you were “resuscitated” and I feel the need to let them know. Daddy and I have prayed and asked for guidance and we have agreed (not without discussing with you of course) that should your heart STOP beating we will not try to bring you back – then it is yours and God’s will. But should you stop breathing and your heart IS STILL beating …. we will assist you to open your airways and help you breath as far as we can.
We don’t know how you bounce back so quickly and come back to us even stronger every time but we are eternally grateful. Even your doctor told you to at least TRY and act sick with your check up J
People keep asking us how we do it, how do we cope and the answer is YOU JUST DO !!! Besides the love that we have for you, there is no other explanation for it …………… and as I always say we are grateful for the time that we have with you and are able to love you.
Love you precious pumpkin