This week has been so hard and I have been so lost without you. When I get home most nights I walk into the lounge and just rest my hands on your ashes, as if I will get some comfort just being able to touch you, even though its through a beautiful box. My heart is so broken.
My tears just keep flowing and I don't know how to stop them, every second of your last moments keep playing through my mind over and over and over again
Since Saturday I have been incredibly emotional. I normally don't and never used to shop at Woolies unless I was buying you clothes. Anyway daddy needed to get some stuff and after being there for about ten minutes I felt like I couldn't breath and needed to get out of there - I knew exactly why L then on Sunday Aunty Ursula told me she had a dream about you. She dreamt she heard laughing in her lounge and when she got up to see what was happening, there you were laughing and playing with bubbles. This is such a beautiful dream and brought me to tears instantly. In my mind I can just picture you doing this because you always were such a happy boy and always content with anything.
So two days of build up and Monday all I did was cry. If I had to try and tell you how I drove to work I wouldn't be able to. Why cant I dream about you, why cant I feel you - I am so lost and heartbroken and everyone else seems to be able to and I cant. I need the comfort to know you are ok.
I love you so so much my baby angel and maybe one day I will learn to live with this but for now, it just hurts too much.
Fly high sweet angel and soar the skies.