My little lion's final roar

Oh baby boy, where does mommy even begin. My heart, our hearts are forever broken and it feels like life will never go on again !! I miss you so much and my arms feel so empty. I yearn every second of the day just to be able to see you, feel you and hear you. My heart aches just to have one more cuddle, to hear one last giggle, to be able to feel my skin against yours and to give you one more kiss, and just to feel your fighting spirit.

You grew your angel wings on Tuesday 13 May 2014

Your daddy and your sisters are missing you so much as well. Tia cries for you constantly and the rest of your sisters, well, they are quiet and I know they are dealing with losing you in you in their own way and the storm is yet to come.

I worry about daddy, because daddy being daddy, he feels he needs to be strong for everyone. I see his tears coming and he always pulls them back. I keep telling him that its your turn to look after us now, but as you know daddy, he insists.

The house is incredibly quiet, for a little boy who was supposed to know nothing and do nothing, you were very loud and boisterous. Always competing with the tv or the radio and between you and your sisters as to who could shout the loudest. The shouting with daddy and both of you competing with each other and the laughter that came afterwards .....

The worst part is when we go to bed at night, I realize now, the steady sound of your breathing always made sleeping easier for us - and now there is this deafening silence and sleep just never seems to come, no matter how tired we are. Even Whiskers (the cat) refuses to climb out your cot - and she always knew it was out of bounds for her.

I know your last days weren't the easiest for you baby boy and I can only hope that we kept you comfortable and loved you as much as you needed and even more and that you could feel that love.

I know everything happens for a reason . The hospital you were in when you grew your wings was one of the most beautiful we could have ever asked for. There was a magnificent rose garden just outside your window and I imagine that you walked through that garden because your little legs finally allowed you to - because you are whole now. No more T18 and no more pain.

My angel, our heavenly angel, the world's little lion, you gave us one final roar and although we have been the only ones to hear it, the world will never stop feeling its tremor for many many years to come. Your little light has and will always shine incredibly bright.

Love you and miss you incredibly my little pumpkin