I woke up on Saturday morning knowing that its three years since I last held you and felt your touch, three years since your heart was beating next to mine and then beat no more. It was a hard day but somehow we have learnt to get through the difficult days. Time does not heal, we have just learned to deal with it with out showing it.
A few weeks ago daddy and I decided to go to the movies and watch "The shack". Now if anyone has seen this movie or read this book and lost a child, they will know exactly what emotions ran through me. Now I have never been able to physically feel your presence like daddy does but somehow you knew you needed me to know that you were with us. Through the adverts .....nothing, the beginning of the movie ...... nothing, but when my emotions were unbelievably strong, there it was, the only way you could get my attention.
Now because of your feeding tube and the valve in your tummy not closing, after most of your feeds you would bring up and its a smell that is very distinctive and one that I could easily associate with you, if you wanted me to .... and that is exactly what you did.
So to carry on, from the time I started crying watching this movie, I could smell it, right up to the end of the movie and then, when the credits started rolling, ..... nothing. As suddenly as it came, it was gone.
I always ask you to somehow let me know when you are near and I guess you knew I would need that comfort whilst watching this movie - so so so close to home.
Thank you my angel boy. Love you to the moon and back
Till we meet again